It’s funny, six years ago, when my world was first turned upside down, I couldn’t bear the thought of being around other people again. Every time I looked into someone else’s eyes it brought back all the pain of being hurt, the fear of trusting someone and being hurt by them. So I got comfortable in the stable quiet that was my solitude.
Now as I long to put the pieces back together and become the joyous, fearless man I once was, I need that connection. It’s as if it’s the last test for me to confirm that things are really better. Nevertheless, life had other plans apparently. I spent all these years pushing people away that now, when I want them here it’s just me and the four walls I worked so hard at building up. Ironic really.
I am patient and optimistic by nature, so I wait and breathe and continue to cling to the fading hope that one day I can have the relationships I once held so dear to reform, or at the very least blossom a new. I grow wearier each day though; wondering will the pain I felt ever feel like something that had happened to me rather than something that is. If there’s one question I need answered it’d be: can you ever truly fix something once it’s been broken?
